Top 5 Self-Care Tips for Caregivers
“Once a man twice a child.” The idea that there are two points in an individual’s life when they will need the support of a caregiver. My mom would say it all the time, it highlighted the fragility of our existence and the importance of a caregiver. It can be hard to make time for yourself when you’re providing support for a loved one. When our mom was diagnosed with lung cancer, the support and care we were able to provide her with came naturally to us. Watching her nurture, support, comfort and assist whenever and wherever possible was all we knew.
I have no regrets, I am forever grateful that I was able to care for my mom in the way she was able to care for me. I honestly don’t even remember being tired, I don’t think that exhaustion hit me until a month or two after she passed. I do remember her concern, even to the very end, about my sister and I taking care of ourselves. I recall one day in November, after she had been discharged from the hospital, I was readjusting her on my own (my sister was at work) in the bed and she said ever so gently “You guys do so much.” I told her I would never have it any other way. There is no way I could repay my mom for the mothering she blessed me with, I was only doing what she had taught me to do. And I know my sister felt the same.
As I look back and think about ways I could have taken better care of myself while helping to care for my mom I decided to make a shortlist in hopes that others may find it helpful. So here we go!
1. Sleep
We’ve heard it since we were kids, 7-9 hours of sleep is key for optional performance and optimal health. Every year the hours seem to change, but the fact remains that sleep is an integral part of our health. It can be hard to sleep when taking care of ourselves and others, but it should remain a priority on our self-care list. Adequate sleep boosts immunity, helps with weight control, is heart healthy and has so many other benefits.
If you’re finding it difficult to sleep try the following:
Meditate (try an app like “Calm”)
Essential oil diffuser (I personally love this one and Amazon has a bunch of reasonably priced options)
Dim lights (if you can’t put your phone before bed, try utilizing the “Night Shift” option on the iPhone or “Night Mode” on an Android)
Cool room temperature
2. Cry
Crying should not be equated with weakness, there is strength in crying. For me crying is such a release. It’s sometimes a temporary release, but in moments where there are no words to adequately capture how you feel, crying can lift a weight off of your shoulders. Throughout my mom’s illness we all cried, sometimes that was all we could do at the moment. When she was in the hospital I remember going into the bathroom and bawling. I needed it. I needed to do it to continue to be strong for her.
3. Ask for Help
I struggled with this. I still struggle with this. I have a type-A personality and I like to handle things on my own, because I know I’ll be happy with the end product. However, not asking for help can leave you drained and resentful. If you have a task and you find it hard to ask for help, try to see if the task can be completed in two parts, for example, if you are preparing food for a loved one and you also need to assist them in eating try asking for help in preparing the meal and then you can help your loved one with eating the prepared food. Relinquishing small amounts of your mounting responsibilities can make a big difference and help you adjust to asking for help more often.
4. Therapy/Counseling
My mom was the one who encouraged me to find a therapist. Those of you who know me personally know that my mom and I were always talking with one another, whether it was in person, or on the phone. I remember her telling me she wanted me to find a therapist because she wanted to know I had someone to talk to in the event she wasn’t strong enough to be my rock. Regardless of where you are in your life, I think therapy is one of the most powerful tools you can incorporate into your life. Therapy provides a resource that can help you change unhealthy emotions and provide you with coping mechanisms. Finding a good therapist is a matter of trial (check out this article for insight on finding the right therapist) and error but once you’ve found the right one you won’t regret it.
There are also counseling groups that you can join. These groups can be tailored specifically to your current situation and provide you with insight as to how others may be coping. Often these groups provide a wealth of information and let you know that you aren’t alone in what you’re going through. The internet is a good starting point to find these groups in your areas, hospitals often have information on these types of groups as well.
5. Treat Yo Self
Ice Cream Date with Mommy, Aug. 31, 2017
I am a huge advocate of treatin’ yo self…which is probably why I’m broke. But I digress, you don’t have to go broke doing something nice for yourself and it isn’t selfish to take some time to focus on just you. You can do anything from getting your nails done, getting a facial or a massage, buying an outfit, or treating yourself to a nice meal. Take some time to just focus on you and don’t feel guilty about it. I promise you that your loved ones want you to take care of yourself, mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.
It can be hard to make time for yourself, but your body and your loved one will be happy when you take that moment to just breathe. I hope you found this list a bit insightful and helpful!